


panacea

by astraversa



Series: renewal [1]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Developing Friendships, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of Identity, Mental Health Issues, Reconciliation, Ship is an aside
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2018-12-31 17:12:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12137226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astraversa/pseuds/astraversa
Summary: Everything is a mess after the confrontation with Mint Eye. Vanderwood has no idea how he's meant to make a new life from the ruins. So he might as well just do what he does best: Clean up.A story of two twins, hospitalized and estranged from each other, and an acquaintance that cares for them more than he'll admit.





	1. admission

Inhale. Exhale. In. Out. 

Vanderwood had excused himself from the stuffy hospital ward by saying he needed fresh air, but honestly, the brisk spring wind was lost on him. He would much rather the hot smoke of a cigarette, a habit he indulged in whenever things started getting too much for him to handle.

There was no need to wonder why he needed it right now. Not when he had just defected from the agency and was subsequently captured by a cult. He could say his hand was forced, that he was a victim of circumstance, but... frankly, that wasn't true. Like most agents, he never had much of a choice in joining the seedy underbelly of the world, and ex-Agent 707 merely presented the perfect opportunity to leave.

Reality still hadn't completely hit yet though. His head pounded at how surreal the situation was - and that was saying something, considering his line of work. 

This was the first chance he's had to actually think since their rag-tag group had made it to the hospital, what with Seven's powerful friends taking charge and demanding answers. Unfortunately for them, Vanderwood didn't have many. Most of the situation was completely lost on him. Hell, everything he thought he knew about Seven was completely thrown into disarray – and watching the hacker had been a big chunk of his job!

Meanwhile, the agency they were a part of had apparently begun to implode. Oh well. One less thing to worry about. 

Now what?

Technically, Vanderwood had a new lease on life. A new name. _Francis Stark._ Vanderwood should have figured that his new identity would involve a reference to a passing conversation with Seven long ago. It was just like the hacker: ridiculous but cunning. A sly reminder that he still had the most miniscule information on Vanderwood, information which he wouldn't be forgetting anytime soon.

Perhaps it was also nod to their shared history, a weirdly sentimental gesture.

He shakes his head, perishing the thought. Vanderwood wasn't about to fool himself into thinking that the relationship they shared was friendly. At best it could be considered professionally cordial. Nothing more was possible, both having seen too much of what the other was capable of. Still, it was enough to make Vanderwood stick around, no matter how off-putting Seven was as a person. 

Not that he had any other option: Unlike Seven, he'd long since abandoned any ties to the mundane world. He simply had no where else to go. The gift of freedom was something Vanderwood always longed for, but now he had it, it only left him with a feeling of uncertainty he wasn't entirely comfortable with.

At the very least his new name was an improvement, “Mary Vanderwood” being something he was assigned with back before he transitioned. Calling Seven by anything but his psuedonyms was going to be tough too. That all said, it didn't bother him too much that the new names would take some getting used to. Stuff like that never did. 

_Saeyoung_ , he reminds himself anyway, _Not Seven. Not Luciel._ He repeats that in his head a few times, trying to make the words stick.

Time would tell. 

Thankfully, Vanderwood had more than enough time on his hands at the moment. He takes another puff of the cigarette, letting the smoke linger in his mouth. The morning is turning out to be deceptively calm. He has no doubt that is because the entire corporate might of C&R is currently keeping a lid on things.

He doesn't expect company, but eventually the woman – Seven's new lover – finds him. Though her name keeps escaping him, Vanderwood welcomes her presence. He was starting to feel out of place and it's nice that someone actually sought him out.

Despite her apprehensive body language, the woman's expression is friendly. Vanderwood has come to admire her ability to stay calm under pressure. There's also no denying she's plenty cute. Seven's made quite the catch. 

“Any news?” He asks, waving a hand casually at the hospital entrance. She shakes her head as an answer, and sidles up to stand beside him. 

“Just seeing how you're doing.”

How awkward. And kind. And he's very conscious of the fact that he must look terrible right now. His mind is unable to process her pure-hearted worry, the entire concept foreign to him, like a language he never learned. 

It doesn't help that Vanderwood never was that good at expressing himself outside the boundaries of work. Was never really given much of a chance to. 

Not to mention the fact that had tried to capture and kill her boyfriend mere hours ago.

At least his new companion doesn't seem to care about any of that, easily able to lapse into a companionable silence with Vanderwood. Come to think of it, Vanderwood _had_ gotten the impression that she was the quiet type. Good at listening. Surprisingly witty and positive, but in a more genuine way than Seven was. 

They suited each other, truly. Balanced one another out in just the right ways.

It's just something he had some trouble wrapping his mind around, the sort of relationship he never imagined possible for a fellow agent. (Let alone Seven.) It was something he had given up on ever having long ago.

But now...

No, now wasn't the time to think about that.

“I wonder what's going to end up happening with those two,” Vanderwood starts, in an attempt to stop that train of thought, “That brother of Seven's... brainwashed or not, he has a major grudge that's not going to be easy to deal with.”

The woman makes a complex expression. 

No wonder, really. From what he learned, Saeran had used and threatened her. Yet he wasn't a stereotypical villain, clearly manipulated and abused. Very much not in his right mind.

And most important of all: Precious to Saeyoung. No doubt that would leave her feeling pretty conflicted.

Vanderwood's musings were an understatement.

“Honestly...” He continues, mulling over their circumstances. He fidgets with his cigarette idly before bringing it back to his mouth, “I am curious. Like I said before, me and the twin talked for a bit while he was lucid.”

It had been a fun talk, all things considered. When given the chance, Vanderwood liked to make small meaningless conversation with the people he had to spend time with. It was something which made life just a little more bearable... unfortunately, it was part of why he and Seven often butted heads – the hacker refused to play along with him, preferring to shut down Vanderwood through jokes or simply not respond at all. Even when it was work related!

At least Saeran was different in that regard. While he was uncontrollable in the beginning, he eventually turned compliant enough to actually exchange words that were more than idle threats. Even so, the twin was strange and difficult to deal with in a way that was distinctive from his brother, and so sensitive that Vanderwood wondered if they were in fact related at all.

Vanderwood exhales smoke away from the woman's inquisitive face, affording her some basic etiquette as he deliberates over the twins. As he does, he remembers how the green eyes of Seven's brother had flashed wildly. That edges of desperation had easily crept into his voice. 

The scorn Saeran held for his brother obviously stemmed from a much deeper personal grievance than Vanderwood's petty irritation. In spite of himself, he sympathized. Besides, it wasn't everyday he had someone to shit-talk Seven with. That alone made Vanderwood grow comfortable enough to eventually share a cigarette with the twin. An act he later regretted. 

Nonetheless...

“I just get where he's coming from. Forced to be alone, betrayed by society... all sorts of terrible organizations take advantage of vulnerable people like that. Even if he has someone looking out for him now, it'll take some time for him to accept any help.”

The woman tilts her head thoughtfully, considering his words. All at once Vanderwood gets the feeling he might've said too much. Revealed something meant to stay hidden a little longer, both about himself and Saeran. 

He's about to back-track when the woman shirts. opening her mouth to speak.

“Do you think it's impossible?” She asks. Vanderwood is thankful she chose not to dig into his past. That's something that should stay buried.

The consideration is touching, but once again peculier. Trusting someone's intentions will take time for him too. The only reason he believes her as it is, is because she has no reason to lie. 

He seriously cannot believe that Seven got so lucky.

Taking one last drag of his cigarette and steeling his nerves for the conversation to come, Vanderwood tosses it to the ground, grinding the butt with his heel.

“Well... I wouldn't say impossible. The only problem is that they might be too similar.”

A smile plays at the edges of the woman's mouth, tired but trying, “I thought you said they were really different?”

Making a small noise of disgust, Vangerwood shrugs. He knows he did. 

“Ugh, God... look, I didn't have the full picture then. But it's obvious, and I'm not just talking about how they've got the same face and the same kind of nasally voice...”

He's rambling. He reins it in.

“What I mean is, they're both obviously extremely stubborn and persistent, and more serious than given credit for.”

Vanderwood watches the woman nod like it makes sense, because of course it does. He knows what he's talking about! In return she considers him for a long moment, and he feels like he's about to be interrogated. This woman was not to be underestimated.

“Are you going to stay?” She asks instead. 

Shrugging, Vanderwood looks back towards the hospital. He can picture both of the Choi twins inside clearly.

Seven, unconscious from blood loss. 

Saeran, heavily sedated. 

The latter part had turned out to be a problem considering what other shit was in the man's system. No doubt Seven would lose his mind once he learned what a critical condition Saeran was in, all thanks to a wrong mix of drugs.

It was easy to assume that Seven was now the same as him, though it clearly wasn't the case. Seven had the RFA, a cute girlfriend. A brother. 

On the other hand, Saeran... had Seven, for whatever that was worth. Considering he had just lost everything else he knew, probably not much. Likely, the twin had no idea what to do with his new found freedom.

That thought hit a little too close to home. 

Vanderwood exhales slowly, turning back to the woman. She looks expectantly back at him.

“Sure. I've got nothing to lose.”

That gets a smile, which is encouraging. Seven might not want him around after everything that's happened, but there's a chance he could make things work.

It emboldens Vanderwood's resolve, and he can't help but make a cheeky quip as the two of move to head back into the hospital.

"Someone has to clean up this mess."

It's only to be expected as Seven's maid, right?


	2. first visit

As far as hospitals go, this one was top of the class. The walls were spotless. Its floor tiles polished. A faint scent of antiseptic followed wherever you went.

Being the clean freak that he was, it appealed to Vanderwood on an innate level. Still, even he had to admit the whole vibe it gave was a little stressful. Decorations were lacking and the bright UV lights were abrasive. Hurried chatter of nurses and distant groaning of patients did the setting no favours.

Colorful characters like Seven and his brother were going to clash with it immensely, a fact which Vanderwood had long since resigned himself to. Both twins seemed to possess an incorrigible insistence on having things done their way, and he could only begin to imagine the havoc either hacker might unleash on the poor staff.

At least Seven – no, _Saeyoung_ , Vanderwood reminded himself again – was in the process of being interrogated now he had woken up, with no chance to throw a tantrum... yet. Vanderwood had only managed to exchange a wary acknowledgement with the red-head, before the RFA descended to coddle him. Not long after, security had shown up to escort everyone out and proceed with their investigation.

Even the infamous Jumin Han couldn't protest guests being barred until their work was done, considering they were employed by him for that specific job. The businessman lived up to his reputation of ruthless pragmatism.

Vanderwood sighed. If it was him, he would've finished questioning Saeyoung already and submitted the report by now. Waiting for other people to complete their work was never Vanderwood's strong suit.

Restless, Vanderwood considers his options. He could go for another smoke! Or... as far as he knew, Saeran was still unconscious. Saeyoung would want news not from friends or staff that might skimp on the details. Vanderwood had an eye for detail that couldn't be beat.

Besides, he needed to make an attempt to back into that guy's good graces.

It was easy enough to slip away from the RFA members. They were preoccupied with talking lowly amongst one another. Skirting around stressed nurses too busy to pay him any mind was just as effortless.

Thus, despite how much Vanderwood stands out, he manages to find his way to Saeyoung's estranged brother without being caught. Who would have thought his secret agent skills would be used to sneak into a hacker's private hospital room?

At a glance it's easy to tell no expense had been spared. Equipped for comfort, the room's large window and blue walls clearly meant to give a sense of easy serenity rather than sterility. Wooden furnishings added a homey feel, and on the whole it had a very different atmosphere than the rest of the hospital.

No doubt this little piece of information would help prevent Saeyoung from getting _too_ worked up about his brother being bed-ridden.

It didn’t change the fact that the room's occupant looked like he was drowning in a sea of white though. Skin almost as pale as his hair, Saeran seemed to fade into his bedding. He wasn’t quite a sleeping beauty – even when in a state of rest, Saeran still had heavy bags under his eyes, and appeared too thin and fragile when exposed to the morning sun filtering through the window.

 _He could be a ghost_ , Vanderwood muses. It was a thought that wasn't far off from the truth. Not since he learned how Saeran's mere existence seemed to haunt Saeyoung's every move, especially when Saeran had appeared all too ready to embrace the role of vengeful spirit.

Moving closer, Vanderwood notices a metallic IV drip inserted into Saeran’s hand, likely to help flush the last of the drugs from his system and just generally keep him hydrated. It seemed like the only thing anchoring him to the world. A literal lifeline.

 _Poor guy._ Vanderwood thinks. It catches him by surprise. Sure, Saeran obviously was just a kid that got caught up with the wrong crowd, but Vanderwood hadn't expected to have gotten attached enough to pity him.

The irony isn’t lost on the ex-agent either, considering how Saeyoung didn’t do much better for himself with the agency.

Saeyoung had never been quite so... vulnerable, though. Not such a lost cause. Mercurial, yes. Troublesome, that word barely began to describe Saeyoung's behaviour. If it wasn't for his insane talent, the agency would've offed the hacker long ago. But despite everything, Saeyoung was functional.

Not broken on some fundamental level.

While Vanderwood hadn't spent long in Saeran's company, he had seen enough to wonder if he could even be fixed after everything he had been through.

... Not that it mattered. It was clear that Saeyoung was prepared to die trying to save his twin brother, and had the friends and abilities to ensure Saeran wouldn't be charged for manslaughter too. Besides, it really wasn't any of his business.

“Don't be too harsh on him.” He tells Saeran anyway, allowing himself that little bit of nosiness. He could do this much, right? It wasn't as if the boy was actually listening. It's a conversation purely for his own benefit. “Seriously," He continues, embracing the futility, "Whatever it is that happened between you two, he's more than ready to make up for it.”

Vanderwood wishes he was so fortunate. Seven cutting him some slack and helping him out would be more than welcome right now. The problem is, Seven had no reason to look out for him - or rather, had already done as much as he was willing to do, what with the new identity and all. 

That didn't change the fact that Vanderwood had more blood on his hands than most people, dark secrets that could never be understood by normal society. Unlike Saeran he didn't have the excuse of not being in the right mind either, or have long-lost family ready to do anything to see him safe. He has to face his reality without flinching, or end up dead.

All the more reason to look out for himself.

Back to business, Vanderwood picks up the chart at the end of Saeran's bed, flipping through the notes. Most of the details were purely medical in nature: recording when Saeran's bloods were taken for testing and the time he was hooked to the drip. Based on current information, the estimated time of wake-up was within two days.

Further on, a Doctor hypothesized that Saeran would suffer from some sort of mood crash when he first recovered and would eventually need to be seen to by a psychologist. There was already a pre-emptive booking.

All reasonable enough. Any firm diagnosis on Saeran's mental and physical state would have to wait until he was completely weaned off the drugs, which Vanderwood understood to be standard procedure. He had seen enough of how doping could change people's entire personalities all too often.

Otherwise, the only other important aspect of the chart was that the hospital had somehow found out that the twin's biological mother had committed suicide two years and six months ago. Vanderwood had no idea how they got that information. Saeyoung certainly didn't know about it, seeing as he cut all ties with his family eight years ago... maybe Jumin Han's security team wasn't as incompetent as he thought?

That left Saeyoung as the only person able to consent on Saeran's behalf, should Saeran refuse treatment when he regained consciousness and was no longer in immediate danger. The redhead had been identified as Saeran's only known living relative, even though he had been hospitalized too, _and_ despite the fact that there was no clear distinction on how exactly they were related. Vanderwood is somewhat impressed - it's clear that meant the hospital staff must have been feeling pressured by _certain somebodies_ to list him.

Still, just thinking about that piece of information has brought on a pre-emptive stress headache. Saeran wasn't going to like it. Hell, he doubted Saeyoung would be comfortable with the responsibility either. Not with how their relationship was already strained.

He sets the chart back in place and looks grimly at Saeran's sleeping figure.

“Asking you to simply bury the hatchet isn't going to work, huh.”

It's then Saeran's hand twitches, and Vanderwood starts for a moment. When it becomes apparent that it was merely an unconscious movement, he lets himself relax. He didn't actually want to deal with what was likely to be an angry and confused patient right off the bat. Thankfully, the white-haired man was still deep asleep.

Taking that as his cue to leave, Vanderwood turns to head for the door – only to stop when a small sound catches his attention.

“...Saeyoung...” Saeran breathes. His voice is so faint that Vanderwood wasn't sure he said anything at first.

Waiting a moment longer, Vanderwood holds his breath. Both hoping and dreading the possibility that Saeran might just be waking up early.

He needn't have bothered. Saeran seems to settle back into blank placidity, apparently undisturbed. Vanderwood isn't sure if the guy was just sleep-talking or had been on the precipice of actually waking up, or even if somehow an unconscious part of him was responding to Vanderwood. He had heard before that on rare occasions, people in a coma could tell what was going on while they were under.

All Vanderwood knows is that he isn't about to stick around to find out. He'll leave Saeran to actual medical professionals for now.

Once he determines it's safe, he beats a hasty retreat. Even so, he can't get what just happened out of his head. What did it mean? Could there actually be a chance for reconciliation between the twins? If so… how much help would Saeyoung need to accomplish that?

The brunette's head buzzed with the thought. Just wait until Saeyoung hears about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Sassa for beta-ing! Next chapter: Actual dialogue with Saeyoung!?


	3. coffee break

Being a practical sort of person, Vanderwood had a very specific way of operating. He always checked his surroundings twice, focused on one task at a time, and tried his best to remain objective even when under extreme duress. Therefore, it is safe to say that getting lost in thought and subsequently caught returning to the waiting room was not Vanderwood’s typical modus operandi.

Mercifully, it is Jaehee Kang that runs into him. It could have been far worse. A shrewd woman, she takes one glance at Vanderwood and the direction he came from and grasps the situation instantly. The following sigh is impressive - loud and robust and laden with worries.

Vanderwood identifies with her immediately.

“So that’s where you went.” She says, delicate eyebrows turned up beseechingly, “Seeing as this is a private area only meant for staff, I’m going to assume you got lost.”

An obvious falsehood that would cover both their asses. Smart. The hint of a warning was expertly done too, a subtle threat to not create any more trouble.

“Something like that.” Vanderwood raises his hands in placation. Best to negotiate peace while he can. “What are you doing here?”

“I was about to drop off some documents for the lead Nurse, now that Lu- I mean, Saeyoung, has woken up…” She explains, trailing off uncertainly. Vanderwood was just as involved as the others, but he isn’t RFA and still a stranger. Unconsciously, Jaehee’s arm tightens around her precious cargo.

It stings a little, but Vanderwood can’t blame her for it. He wouldn’t trust himself either. Best to set the record straight now before she stresses out over it more.

“Listen, whatever secret’s you’re keeping, sooner or later I’m going to figure them out. Whether I want to or not.”

That startles a laugh out of the assistant, which takes Vanderwood by surprise too. In an instant, the tension between them evaporates like smoke on the wind.

“Yes… of course. I’m sorry, I should’ve known, Ms…”

She hesitates again, this time out of politeness. Vanderwood doesn’t bother to correct the woman’s assumption. It’s nice that she has more manners than a certain somebody that takes delight in winding him up, but at the end of the day Vanderwood is flexible. Especially when it’s not something he cares to waste time and energy on with someone he barely knows. Getting that personal was just not in the guidebook.

“It’s fine,” He says dismissively, shifting the topic off himself, “You’re obviously wound up. The boss working you too hard?”

It’s a perfect deflection, seeing how it’s widely known that C&R demands a lot from its workers in exchange for truly decadent paychecks - a price that paid off so well that it made gathering intelligence on the more secretive aspects of the company a particularly difficult endeavor. For Jaehee to be in the position she was in, there was no doubt in Vanderwood's mind that the assistant's workload was intense. 

Add to that insanity the current crazy circumstances… it should be enough for her to crack and accidentally leak information due to stress. Information he could sell.

"Unfortunately. Although as you worked with Saeyoung, I'm sure you're no stranger to being asked the impossible."

Contrary to Vanderwood’s expectations, Jaehee takes the opportunity to reflect the question back rather than gossip about her troubles. A masterful maneuver when dealing with someone she didn’t quite trust yet. This woman was clearly a pro. 

"You can say that again..." He replies, effectively shutting the small talk down. It isn’t a lie though. It had been hell for the both of them, some sort of sadistic ploy their superiors had cooked up as a way to keep their agents in line by pairing up the two most incompatible people they could. 

What wasn't accounted for was that being made to play the role of one another's demon served to foster sympathy for the devil – enough to allow each other small freedoms where they could. Not that it improved things _much_ considering their line of work, but it helped. And ultimately served to bite the agency in the ass.

Jaehee nudges her glasses up her face and nods in understanding. Likely she had guessed as much from whatever information Saeyoung let slip in the past. Vanderwood suspects her work situation is only marginally better than his was; At least her boss didn’t threaten her life.

"Ah... well, I realize this may not be the time for this… but why don’t you join me for coffee once I finish with the nurse? I have been meaning to speak with you in any case.”

For a moment, Vanderwood is taken aback. The pick-up line is a classic, but logically he understands that it isn’t a come-on. There’s probably some sort of business to discuss, perhaps a non-disclosure agreement to sign. Any friendly overture was likely because they could commiserate as comrades-in-arms when it came to work.

“Coffee…?”

Not because of any sort of attraction.

Which was really too bad. On closer look, Jaehee was a good-looking woman in disguise – what with her stern suit and unflattering haircut, but overall classic features. The greatest tragedy of all was how the assistant’s glasses also tended to obscure her eyes, which were a beautiful shade of brown. Like caramel.

 _No. Wait. Focus._ Vanderwood berates himself. How embarrassing would it be to fall into the stereotype of a spy being done in by a beautiful woman? Who was he, Luciel?

Free of the underworld Vanderwood might be, but now was not the time to indulge in romantic fantasies. Especially not with Jaehee Kang. There’s no doubt in Vanderwood’s mind that he might end up desperate enough to try blackmailing Jumin Han for the current cover-up, and while he really doesn’t need a conglomerate like C&R after his ass, it’s the only way he knows how to survive

Still… it wouldn’t hurt to keep things civil. For now.

“Yeah, sure.” He responds somewhat belatedly.

Smooth.

“Excellent.” Jaehee smiles tolerantly, “I’ll meet you at the hospital cafeteria in fifteen minutes.”

Which is how Vanderwood ends up with a coffee date. 

They says their brief farewells, and on the way to the cafeteria Vanderwood belatedly realizes that Jaehee probably just thought that he was being sensible and measured, true to his cool secret agent persona. Not that he spent a good moment agonizing over how to deal with the possibility of someone being interested in him.

How awkward can he possibly get? It’s just another reminder that he’s got a long way to go with reorienting himself into the mundane world.

Shutting that line of thought down before he gets depressed, Vanderwood reaches the cafeteria and orders himself a coffee that's little better than overpriced black sludge. It’s clearly only meant as a quick and heavy caffeine fix for well-paid hospital staff. 

If he wasn’t cheap, Vanderwood would have just thrown it out. Unfortunately, the one joy in his life he allowed himself before now were material objects. Brand name clothes, top-of-the-line equipment. Testosterone supplements. All of which were fine when he had a regular paycheck, but now he's left without a safety net. Any use of his money wasn’t going to be wasted.

Trying not to think about how his savings will only last him the next month or two max, Vanderwood perseveres in taking swigs of the coffee. In spite of himself, his thoughts keep returning to his dwindling wallet. God. No doubt he’ll need to begin selling stuff. What a dismal thought... Maybe he should demand Seven give him one of his cars in compensation for reuniting the hacker with his brother?

 _Hah._ As if that'd ever happen. 

He's almost managed to finish the awful concoction when Jaehee arrives, a little later than planned. She takes one look at his coffee and immediately blanches, before schooling her face back into a professional mask.

“I'm sorry. If it were possible, I would have recommended an actual cafe...” Jaehee starts, sounding incredibly sincere. Looks like she took her coffee seriously too.

“It can’t be helped.” Vanderwood reassures the woman, taking note of that. Who knows when such a detail would come in handy, “You had business to discuss?”

Jaehee bobs her head and joins him after ordering a coffee of her own, despite her clear distaste. She was probably desperate for a caffeine fix. 

The nitty-gritty is much of what Vanderwood expected: Signing documents to support the cover-up, promising not to divulge any details outside their little circle. For a moment, Vanderwood almost feels like he belongs -- until he makes the mistake of asking after the cult leader.

Jaehee tenses up, as if Vanderwood made an attack against her very person. It had been easy to forget she was close to the crisis, just as affected by what happened as any of the cultist’s family members. For a moment Vanderwood had deluded himself into thinking they were truly colleagues, simply going through a mission debrief as if the events had nothing to do with them.

But as polished as Jaehee was, she was hurting over the revelation as much as any normal person would.

“... sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

It does Jaehee credit that she’s able to bounce back quickly, shaking her head to reassure Vanderwood.

“It’s natural that you ask. You were also kidnapped for a time… and it’s best that we are all on the same page.”

“Same page?” Vanderwood dares to ask. He knows that there's a cover-up, but he didn’t expect to be given any details.

“Yes.” Jaehee affirms, glasses glinting, “Currently, she is under protective custody. It seems that… she’s developed aphasia and has been living in hiding with the cult. As you know, this led to V committing suicide in despair when he discovered her condition.”

That… was not what had happened. 

Not even close. 

As far as Vanderwood could remember, V was the blind man that stepped forward to try and take the gun Saeran had been waving around in a frenzy, a clumsy attempt to prevent anyone else but himself from getting hurt. Of course, he ended up shot for it. A heroic sacrifice fitting for a man Vanderwood has since understood made a point of surrendering everything for his fucked up idea of love. 

It was then that cult leader woman had broken down, and Jumin Han’s back-up arrived a little too late.

He doesn’t correct Jaehee. She’s made her stance loud and clear - this is the official story, and it will _remain_ the story until Jumin Han sees fit. It was the best way to curb any hurt and blame that would possibly break the RFA.

Vanderwood pities them a little. For an organization founded by the very woman that betrayed them, it was going to take a lot for the group to recover. Making more secrets wasn’t going to help that.

He sighs. “I see.”

“Yes.” Jaehee affirms. Again. She takes a moment to collect herself, and Vanderwood observes how the assistant shuffles the papers so they sit _just so_ , perfectly lined up on top of one another.

Well, if the RFA members were as strong as Jaehee Kang and willing to work just as hard… perhaps they’ll be alright.

“V's funeral will be held as soon as Luciel’s release is confirmed,” Jaehee continues, monotone, “You may join if you wish, though I’d understand why you would prefer not to.”

Another heavy hint. Vanderwood shrugs. He has no desire to pay respects to a man he hardly knew anyway.

“I believe that concludes our meeting. Saeyoung should be free to visit now as well - I checked in before coming here, but he was preoccupied catching up with…” She blushes slightly and clears her throat. Well well well. Seems the office lady walked in on an intimate moment. 

Vanderwood whistles. It elicits a wry smile from Jaehee, and the expression softens her features.

“They’re very sweet. It’s… nice to see Saeyoung embrace happiness.” 

“Literally?” Vanderwood asks dryly, trying to keep envy out of his tone. It’s a rhetorical question anyway. 

Electing to ignore any scandalous innuendo, Jaehee replies primly, “He needs someone to lean on now more than ever.”

“You too, though?” Vanderwood offers without thinking, then immediately scrambles when he realizes how it sounds, “Don’t be afraid to rely on your friends.”

Oblivious to any slip-ups, Jaehee just hums agreeably. “I’m very lucky to have her as well… her support has helped me weather the worst of this.”

Vanderwood nods, simultaneously relieved and disappointed. Woe be to anyone who tried to flirt with Jaehee Kang. The woman seemed to be the type that was heedless of any interest towards her.

He makes to get up from his seat. Time to put aside that nonsense and catch-up with one Saeyoung Choi. 

“Be seeing you.”

“Ah, wait,” Jaehee interrupts. Vanderwood stops, and she slips him a small piece of paper. “My number. We may need to be in contact in the future, so please text me yours.”

… was she seriously unaware of how she came across?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support and comments!! It's honestly what encourages me to keep going haha. Anywho, this entire scene ended up way longer than I expected, so I made it its own chapter. What can I say: I love Jaehee. Everyone should appreciate Jaehee. Jaehee and Vanderwood would most definitely be compatible. 
> 
> <3
> 
> Also, yes, in this fic I have Vanderwood as FTM trans! But ultimately is fairly flexible about what gender people refer to him as (until it gets obnoxious. Hello, Seven.) and better classified as Genderqueer, maybe? I made this decision after he referred to himself as a guy in V's route, but clearly there's still a lot of gender questions surrounding him. Especially since Jaehee, of all people, appears to misgender him in the Secret Routes as well. 
> 
> Otherwise... I struggled a bit with writer's block recently, but hopefully I'll be able to get a chapter out every 1-2 weeks!


	4. compromise

Fully expecting to walk in on a lovey-dovey scene, Vanderwood is surprised to find Saeyoung left alone muttering to himself. Dressed in only a hospital gown and arm in a sling, it's equally startling how small the hacker looks sans his iconic hoodie - as if being stripped of it has also robbed the man of all of his larger-than-life pretenses. 

Stuck boggling at the sight, it takes Saeyoung's attention for Vanderwood to shake himself out of that bewilderment. It's somewhat discouraging how quickly Saeyoung's mood shifts upon seeing him too - brilliant golden eyes flicking in his direction eagerly, then immediately dimming when he realizes exactly who his visitor is. 

Not that a guy could blame him for that. No doubt he was expecting someone very different.

Vanderwood crosses his arms and feigns offense. Like he hadn’t been caught lurking. “Geez, what a welcome. Care to share what you were mumbling about?” 

From experience, Saeyoung only talked to himself when his brain began to fry over particularly difficult problems. Asking for an explanation was typically futile - and as expected, Saeyoung dismisses his concern, “Nothing really… so, you’re still here?”

“Hello to you too.” Vanderwood retorts, fully stepping into the room since he wasn’t immediately rejected. Rather than face the incoming questioning about his presence, he deflects by asking: “Where’s your girlfriend?”

It’s the wrong thing to ask. Saeyoung sinks back into the pillows, radiating misery - and not the type that was brought on by too many all-nighters. Unnerved, Vanderwood tries to think of a time when he’s seen Saeyoung like this before and comes up empty. Sure, Saeyoung used to be more serious back when he was starting out in college, but this was different. It was a heartsickness. A _weakness_. 

“She said something about…” Saeyoung starts, then trails off. Mind elsewhere. With her. 

Vanderwood is at a loss on how to respond. Never in a million years would he have imagined that the person in front of him now used to be the operative known as Luciel. That guy had been the ultimate trickster, an expert at deception whom cared little for humanity; Let alone the ruin he wrought on them. If he was invested in anything, it was money. Full stop. No soft spot to exploit.

Now, that agent might as well have been replaced by a pod person. Maybe Luciel was onto something with all his weird space shenanigans after all.

Vanderwood shakes his head slightly. Perish the thought.

“You’re drugged, aren’t you?” It’s a much more logical explanation for sudden personality changes than _aliens_. A glance at the nearby chart confirms that nurses had just administered pain medication, as well as the fact that Saeyoung needed at least a few days of physical therapy. 

Saeyoung hums and waves his uninjured arm around loopily. “I’m high on love maybe, hehe~”

“Ugh.” Gross. Vanderwood really does not need to suffer stupid couple jokes, especially not for days if the chart was right. “Spare me.”

Arm falling back to the bed, Saeyoung drops the topic as well. Faking his way through the conversation clearly taking a toll.

That's fine. Vanderwood can be patient, when not under the burden of a demanding workload. He leans against the doorframe and waits until Saeyoung’s able to plaster on a semblance of strength again. 

Except, something feels off. The absence of pressure is foreign. Sure, there wasn’t much going on that was different from the usual - changing their identities and laying low was a frequent occurrence for them both. Nonetheless, there was a significant change which Vanderwood found ill-fitting - No lives were on the line, no one breathing was down their necks. There was a dearth of demands that he does as he's told, or face consequences. 

In place of all that, is freedom. Now, Saeyoung was able to reclaim a past thought long-lost. Vanderwood too, could actually grasp at a life that was always denied to him.

Now, they were only accountable for themselves. 

That’s probably why he feels so uncomfortable, Vanderwood realizes. He never truly had a chance to see a side to Saeyoung outside of being an agent, let alone had the opportunity to stay and see things through for himself. It wasn’t his forte.

No, his job was always to make sure work was finished up and things were moved along. So here he is again repeating the same old story, when it wasn’t even required of him. 

Old habits die hard.

“You don’t have to be here.” Says Saeyoung abruptly, like he’s read Vanderwood’s mind. For a second Vanderwood is convinced he has, before sensibility outweighs the shock. The hacker’s insight was actually a demand in disguise, ensuring Vanderwood is made culpable for still being here. 

The fact he didn’t just let it go the first time makes Vanderwood wonder if Saeyoung’s _that_ perplexed by his presence, or _that_ annoyed by it. Maybe both.

Trying to play it off as no big deal, Vanderwood opts to make himself comfortable before answering by sliding into a nearby chair. A sign he’s not about to leave. 

“Yeah, well… what with the agency imploding in on itself right now, this is the safest place to be.”

It’s not the entire truth, but serves well as a rationale. Saeyoung nods in understanding. There’s no way the agency would dare strike out at either of them in a hospital under such strict security. Security hired by C&R, at that. 

“So since I was here I thought I might as well check in…” Vanderwood continues casual as can be, “but seeing you now, I think I ought to stay and keep an eye on you. In case you decide to run off and do something crazy again.”

Saeyoung just gives Vanderwood a level look. He isn’t buying it, because he too knows that Vanderwood isn’t one to stick around for sentimental reasons. That sort of thing was a luxury exclusive to normal people. No, he’s perfectly aware that what Vanderwood needs a _job_ , and that the agent is lost without one.

When he responds, his tone is light, “Should I start calling you Nurse Stark then~?”

It would be so easy to dismiss the words as Saeyoung’s usual mocking, either a diversion from matters at hand or power play of some description. But behind those curled lips was a bite. Someone was not happy with how the situation was playing out. 

Thankfully, Vanderwood was used to ignoring Saeyoung’s passive-aggressive frippery. 

“Vanderwood’s fine.” 

“Aw. That new name was a heartfelt gift!” Saeyoung pouts, apparently now energetic enough to keep up the joke. For a moment the banter is almost enough to fool Vanderwood into thinking that their relationship wasn’t beyond repair.

Of course, that would be naive. If there was any truth to the matter, it would be that Saeyoung was subtly reminding him that the new identity was a well-considered bribe, one that required Vanderwood getting the hell out of his life. Nothing more.

Not that would stop Vanderwood from taking what he could get. He folds his arms again and makes firm eye contact with Saeyoung. It makes the man tense up, somehow even more tightly wound than he already was.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Vanderwood starts, words coarse, because he’s inept at being sincere and saying he’s actually grateful despite Saeyoung’s intentions. “I’ll be using it once this all blows over. It's just convenient to keep the name people know me by for now.”

It’s a poor reassurance. They both know it, and before Saeyoung can respond with yet another tart comment, Vanderwood sighs deeply. The sound of it seems to fill the room, doing nothing for the strained atmosphere.

“You should know how hard it is to start from scratch. It might be easy for you to abandon that life, but somehow or another you’ve actually found something to fall back on. Not all of us are so fortunate.”

That manages to shut Saeyoung up, and his expression deliberately turns impassive. Nevertheless, in his countenance Vanderwood recognizes a glimmer of concession that is keeping the hacker from seriously trying to chase Vanderwood away. 

“...they’re good people.” Saeyoung says slowly, “I was lucky to get to know them.”

What is unsaid is the disastrous hows and whys Saeyoung got involved with the RFA. With how things turned out, it’s little wonder that Saeyoung took his time answering. Vanderwood purses his lips.

“Sure. Doesn’t change that you got conned though. I don’t envy that part.”

The truth makes Saeyoung flinch. Vanderwood almost regrets it, but for better or for worse the hacker always relied on him to serve up a cold dose of reality whenever necessary, and the fact that the RFA was unreliable at best was something he had to face, especially considering the grudge his brother had. 

Not that Vanderwood was a psychiatrist or anything. He was a field medic at best, which is why his advice was based on what you had to do to survive as an agent.

Besides, there’s something satisfying about holding Saeyoung accountable to the facts.

“Seriously, what the hell was all of that? You’ve had me donate to them before too.” He emphasizes, and okay, maybe definitely some of this was his own frustration leaking through. It was a hell of an experience.

Turning a dead-eyed glare on the brunette, Saeyoung tone is terse. “If it’s your money you’re worried about, I’ll make sure that your donations get returned to you.”

Vanderwood’s a little taken aback. Sure, like most agents he had a reputation for being mercenary, but that was cold.

“Uh… for real?”

“Yeah. Which means unless you’re actually interested in getting involved further with the RFA, it’s none of your business.” 

Oh boy. It might have been too early for Vanderwood to expose that wound, with how scathing Saeyoung’s responses were. This wasn’t going as planned.

Trying to draw out some sympathy, Vanderwood appeals to Saeyoung’s better side a second time, “... okay, okay. I’m sorry. It’s been stressful. I know the others didn’t have a part in it, and… maybe I’m a little jealous too.” 

He fails.

“I don’t care.” Words sharp, Saeyoung defends the RFA members like a particularly impenetrable firewall - allowing for no attack to be ignored, “Just forget it. Even if you were invited to join, there’s no way I’ll let that happen.”

It stings, but Vanderwood ignores the hurt. He has to. Shrugging off the intimidation he replies point blank, “Not interested anyway. I’ve had enough of taking on charity cases.”

Which is true, and important to make clear. The RFA has always been Saeyoung’s space, and a place that Vanderwood didn’t intend to intrude on more than necessary per their previous agreements. All he wanted was for Saeyoung to not completely shut him out, to let him hold onto this baggage a little longer and see things through.

“... good.” Saeyoung ultimately replies after an agonizing pause, shutting his eyes like he has a headache and letting life drain out of him once again. Vanderwood watches the man through his mess of a fringe, expecting more but getting nothing.

It’s hard to say why Saeyoung’s yielded. Perhaps it’s because Vanderwood made it possible for Saeyoung to reclaim his old life despite the motives? Or is it simply thanks to their history together that he doesn’t try to fight more? 

No, if anything it’s the drugs again - arguing too much of an effort to keep up for long.

No matter what it is, Vanderwood feels like he should feel victorious. Vindicated. Those emotions don’t come to him, only a feeling of slow relief and cautious optimism. While Saeyoung probably just decided to fight this battle another day, for now It seems like Vanderwood wasn’t completely unwelcome.

Relaxing back into his seat, Vanderwood takes the moment to bask in the quiet and organize his thoughts some more. Now this hurdle had been tackled, it was time to consider the next obstacle: Actually telling Saeyoung about his brother and not having him freak out. 

The only problem with that plan is that it failed to account for how Vanderwood’s thoughts instead kept going in circles - unable to escape mulling over their current crisis. 

It was enough to make him want to scream and tear his hair out, except that Vanderwood would never do that to his hair - his brown locks were carefully maintained to look as silky as they did. He’d much rather take out his frustrations another way, but his usual method involved a lot of physical force and thus impossible in present circumstances.

He settles for fussing with Saeyoung’s blankets, making sure they fit just right around the bed frame and lay smooth along Saeyoung’s body. He pretends to ignore the redhead’s involuntary smirk, unable to discern if it exasperates or encourages him.

Really though, who would have thought they’d end up this way? Before, Seven had needed Vanderwood to cover for him to have a semblance of happiness with the RFA. Now, Vanderwood needed Saeyoung to let him stay around him and the RFA long enough to get his bearings. 

For that reason, Vanderwood suspects Saeyoung is acquiescing to his presence as a twisted way of paying back that debt - not out of the goodness of his heart. 

No, whatever goodness Saeyoung’s heart had was reserved for very specific people. The RFA, sure, but after all he had seen going down Vanderwood had no doubt Saeyoung would sacrifice them too if it meant protecting one particular person. Two, if he was going to be generous about Saeyoung’s new relationship. 

Either way, should he show any sign of risking the people Saeyoung held dear, the tenuous olive branch now offered would be easily break. It was a risk Vanderwood had to take though - he had to stop dwelling and just do it already. If Saeyoung freaks out, he’ll deal.

He just really hopes that merely mentioning the twin won’t count as a threat.

“By the way, I checked on your brother.”

Where before Saeyoung was uncharacteristically still, those few words are enough to revitalize him into action. He shoots up in bed, ruining Vanderwood’s efforts with the covers and disregarding how the sudden movement jerks his injured arm. His amber eyes fix on Vanderwood’s brown, much more bright and animated than when Vanderwood first got here.

“You did? You better not have done anything - no, you know better than that. How is he? Is he awake?”

So far so good, even if it still surprises Vanderwood to see the man care about someone so much. He raises a hand placatingly, to no effect.

“He’s not awake and won’t be for a few days. There’s a lot of shit in his system…”

Saeyoung looks like he’s about to cry. Vanderwood _really_ doesn’t know how to handle that so he does his best to ignore it, keeping the information he gathered short and concise, easy to digest when it was anything but. 

This time Vanderwood can practically see how Saeyoung’s mind works, guilt shadowing every line of the man’s face and eyes darting around aimlessly as if in search of a solution. That was the redhead for you. He was a fixer. 

But that wasn’t his only problem.

“That mint-haired guy... V… his funeral is in a few days too. If you’re as lucky as your number, your brother won’t wake up before that.”

Unexpectedly, all Saeyoung does is bite his lip. There’s no anger, nor weary acceptance. If Vanderwood had to guess, he would say that Saeyoung was... troubled?

Vanderwood almost wants to ask, but doesn’t. It had been made clear that was none of his business, and if it was dealing with emotions, he’ll happily leave that job to Saeyoung’s girlfriend anyway. No doubt that was how the person in question preferred things too.

That just left one more thing. 

“If it helps, the Queen isn’t in the same hospital. She’s been taken into protective custody.”

It doesn’t, and it’s obvious in the way the redhead frowns. Why, Vanderwood can’t guess - he would’ve thought it’s a good thing. He shrugs when Saeyoung stares at him as if expecting more details.

“That’s all I know. You’ll have to ask your Association about the rest.”

Clearly unsatisfied, Saeyoung shifts in his bed, then shifts again - unable to keep still with all this new information. Just as Vanderwood is tempted to tie the hacker down to spare him the annoyance, he stops.

“Vanderwood.” 

“... yeah?”

“Do me a favour.”

Now that was unexpected. Vanderwood isn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth though.

“Alright. What is it?”

Wasting no time, Saeyoung launches into a list of items for Vanderwood to collect on his behalf - all involving revisiting the bunker. It made sense that he was asked Vanderwood too, seeing as no one but them could easily enter and exit the place.

It was a big request when all Vanderwood wants to do is stay put and out of danger. On the other hand, the both of them had always functioned through compromises - and if Saeyoung was ready to make an offer, Vanderwood wasn’t in a position to refuse. 

Still...

“Oi oi. Should you even be using a computer with your arm like that? What about taking time to recover?” Vanderwood's actually kind of concerned, not just trying to weasel his way into a better deal. He chalks it up to habit again - the last few years it was literally his job to worry about Saeyoung after all.

Saeyoung shrugs flippantly, “I’ve been worse. It won’t be the first time I’ve worked with only one hand before.”

The answer doesn’t actually matter because Vanderwood was going to do what Saeyoung wants anyway, and was in fact already getting up and heading to the door. He does allow himself to pause though, Saeyoung’s words running through his head.

“...ew. Weren’t you supposed to be Catholic?”

It’s somewhat funny how the redhead tries to backtrack with nonsense about Honey Buddha Chips. The scene leaves Vanderwood in a good mood when he closes the door on it, a rare event when involving Saeyoung’s theatrics. Vanderwood chalks it up to getting the upper hand for once and not being the butt of the joke. That the visit went better than expected lifted his spirits too.

Just as he’s about to head off, he spots the RFA party coordinator heading in his direction, wearing a change of clothes and with a large bag full of supplies. It’s easy to deduce where she had gone - now Saeyoung was awake and safe, she was likely encouraged to go home, clean up, and get any other affairs in order.

In a way, Vanderwood supposes that was what he was doing now. God knows he could use a shower. 

When they pass each other, the woman offers Vanderwood a hopeful smile while her eyes glance meaningfully towards Saeyoung’s room. Vanderwood nods, and she smiles even brighter. There was something about her demeanour that made the ex-agent feel all the more encouraged - like everything really was going okay going forward. That maybe he could rely on her too, and not just cling to the impossible.

It was wishful thinking. But the feeling sticks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I've had major writer's block and lack of inspiration through this chapter, so it was hard to get it done. ;; Especially since I was feeling more and more unconfident. I'm glad I was able to finish it though, and plan to keep on chugging ahead now this big part is out of the way!
> 
> Coming up next: Roads to recovery and Saeran.


End file.
